Robots and Memories

Emmett is out with Ana, there are pictures all over the dining room table and I am taking a break. There is so much going on and I need to start to write it down.

MY JOB has gotten great, awesome and horrible. As I posted before, I was made the Creative Director and am being pulled in like a partner. At the same time, I'm able to work the hours I want and spend most of the week with Emmett. It's (conceptually) been wonderful...until last week. My "thousands of dollars" paycheck was late and he seemed to avoid the subject. With no tolerance for late payments, I told him I wouldn't work passed WEdnesday unless I received the check. He sent nothing. It's Monday and the Fed Ex is on it's way, but he sent it 3-Day furthering my suspicions. In response, I have stopped working all together adn will not talk to him until the checks clear. I am being extremely hard-assed about this and feel insecure about my behavior. I am thankful for the job but am jaded in terms of freelance trust. He is sending the contract back in the same Fed Ex, sealing me in with the company. I don't know what I'm doing and think I may quit again.

OUR LIVES We have been looking at apartments in Bella Vista and found one that we like, but something seems wrong and neither of us can figure out what it is. We want to move in there, but there is a bad taste and we don't know why. In the meantime, we put in an application on a house, but we're worried about the stairs and Emmett. One of the things I liked best aobut the house was that there is a playground down the street -- a baby kind of playground. That sealed it for me. But when we were driving passed it last week, the entire playgound was ripped up.

In the meantime, I'm still missing LA. Jessica called me yesterday and left this message: "Hey. Do you think there's anyway we can get all our friends to move out to LA so we can move back? Is there any chance?"
Is there?

MY ALBUMS The last photo album I did was when I was in Philly and I am about 7 behind. I still haven't picked our wedding pictures. We have about 30 roles of Emmett as an infant. This is my burden. I will make myself do this. I'm not actually enjoying it becuase there are so many to sort through. I'm also not enjoying it, becuase I miss the old days. I wish I could not be so nostaligic.

I wish (I REALLY WISH) I could erase certain memories and information. This weekend, I heard two stories of animal creulty that I can't forget. The Teri Shivo story is hard for me. There was another New York news story I heard that I can't get passed. I want to select memories like I select pictures. Since I had a baby, I have become so sensitive that I can't handle the harsh reality of mankind.

MY PARENTS At last, there is peace.

OUR FUTURE As you all know, Mke and I feel that are jobs are simply a way to make money. We don't care about our careers in advertising. We want to open a business. This weekend, we met this guy that has the same interest in starting a company and paying overseas people a living wage. We told him about our clothing line idea and the guy was totally into it. He's going back to China in 4 months and told us he plans to incorporate this week.

I stopped counting on anything a long time ago, but it would be cool if it worked out. In the meantime, this weekend is a retreat for a bunch of us to figure out and work on a project (to be revealed later).

THE MOVIE We have been getting orders for it and even some distribution interest, but I realized I don't even care. I just want people to watch it. With that in mind, I'm going to GIVE AWAY copies to anyone who promises to show it to at least 3 groups of people and promote it a little bit. This goes for anyone. Just write me an email and I'll send you a copy.

MY BABY I adore and love him more and more every day. And I love how much he loves me. I got some pictures of him from Sears but I'm not totally happy with them. He's cuter in real life I think. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a baby like him. I wish I could plan getting pregnant again with someone, but I feel like no one I know is anywhere near ready to get pregnant. Truthfuly, I don't really want another baby. I LOVE this...just Emmett Mike and me. But we're going to have to do it eventually. Colin... How is it being an only child?

MY DIET> For lent, the Orthodox faith observes 7 weeks of a strict Vegan fast. A fast that also excludes olive oil and alcohol (except on the weekends. I don't think I've ever exerted more discipline in my life.

MY FEELINGS I feel caged. My mind is racing faster than I can go. Emmett in some ways frees me -- but I'm keenly aware of the value of time these days. And I hear Emmett and Ana are back. I have to go.


I AM SORRY THIS IS RAMBLING, RIDDLED WITH SPELLING ERRORS, AND NOT EVEN PROOFED. MORE THOUGHT-PROVOKING POSTS COMING SOON.