Why I cried on Saturday night.

Here's what happened Saturday:

We got up and went to a Christening.
Went to a BBQ reception that had a pig with an apple in it's mouth.
Came home and did a little work while Emmett took a nap.
Went to Faith & Hunter's for a Vegan dinner.

After we came home, Mike and I got into a fight for awhile. It was my fault, I'm sure. It usually is. But somehow he can take it and he does. This fight didn't make me cry. What made me cry was thinking about the pig.

I balled for about 25 minutes about it. Thinking about the apple in the mouth...like it was making fun of the pig? Thinking about it's dead carcass, being gouged by people not even thinking about it. And it came on even stronger becuase of the Vegan dinner (what irony).

Then, I cried for about 15 minutes remembering the chicken truck I saw drive through Avondale...and thinking about how cute chicks are and how loving cows are and I realized that for the past 10 years, I have been stuffing all of my feelings behind a dam I've constructed for conveience, and it all came exploding out. And even as I'm writing this I feel like I"m about to cry becuase I can't stand animals being hurt.

I have been a non-vegetarian for awhile now. I was a TERRIBLE vegetarian before that and was told by the doctor that I was "Saving the animals but killing myself". I was low iron, anemic etc. etc. All I ate was cheese.

Over the years, I've considered (time and time again) going back, but have always stopped myself becuase Mike doesn't like vegetables...and how will that work? Well, I don't really know how it will work, but the meat at that BBQ was the last meat I'll eat for awhile. (I didn't eat pork, incidentally)

I've stopped eating all red meat and poultry. I am not going to stop eating fish.If you want more details about why fish are OK to me, I'll tell you.

I am hungry. I have no idea what I'm going to eat tonight. I'm overdoing it on the bread. I need a vegetarian cookbook. But today, for the first time in so, so many years, when I'm dinner out of the freezer, I don't have to "trick" myself about what it actually is.