I was born a freak.

It's time to come clean.

Hands: I have sweaty palm syndrome. Not the extreme kind where at a given moment I can fill viles with sweat. But my hands are usually sweaty and clammy. You know those black lab desks in school that come complete with bunsen burner? Putting my hand on one of those always (always) left a steam imprint of my hand.

Feet: I have an irregular toe on each foot. If you ever saw "Shallow Hal", it is the same toe as the gorgeous girl had (the one that George Kostanza rejects). It is an extremely long middle toe on each foot. I mean, really really long. To the point that sometimes I trip over it. I'm serious.

Mouth: I was born missing the two teeth next to my front teeth so I only have my kanine teeth. The solution in 1985 was to get braces and pull all the teeth to the front, close together. Because I didn't wear my retainer, they are spaced out again, which THANK GOD is somewhat fashionable with icons like Madonna and that other lady.

Ears: My earring holes are both ripped almost all the way through from wearing very, very heavy earrings when I was a very small child. There is just a little flap of skin that prevents me from having two little flaps rather than a solid lobe on each ear. When the whole "ear plug" look came into style, I could fit a "plug" in without doing anything.

If you have an abnormality, please post it so I don't feel like the only "non Cindy Crawford" one among us.

I can't believe I just referenced Cindy Crawford as if she's the hottest new thing to hit the tabloids.