The most important post I've ever written.

My life is changing for the better. Last week, I decided that (after a series of dreams that both Mike and I had) I was working too much and that I needed to spend more time with Emmett and establish a bond which has weakened severely.

The problem was, that I WANTED to work. My need for immediate gratification is great and mothering hasn't offered that consistent stroking and achievement. (I've written about that before). So I prayed and asked God to give me the desire to spend time with Emmett.

And I can't believe it...but it happened.

I have changed my work schedule around so that Emmett & I have 2 full days together, 2 half days, and I only work one full day. And so far, I cannot believe the difference. I am so much more fufilled and, more importantely, Emmett is so much happier. He's my buddy again...we're pals! I know he loves me and for the first time in such a long time, I FEEL LIKE I'M A GOOD MOM!

I left him to go to the market the other day and I almost cried on the way feeling like he's mine and he needs to be with me. (I didn't have my period...this is for real). I felt like I was going to a play without my husband. That I needed my son.

The bond I have with Emmett just from these few days is unbelievable. And the best part of it all is that it IS rewarding! Emmett's not an infant anymore, so every time he puts leggos together or walks or says car or burps or laughs or looks cute or seems smart, I feel a sense of achievement too. A sense of achievement that he's growing and is figuring things out (almost as good as when I finish a hard project) and a sense of achievement that I am a good mom...that my child is rosy cheeked with love and confidence and that he's happy, healthy, respectful, cute and fun.

This is the climax of my blog.

I finally feel like I understand what I"m here for.