I'm not Betty Crocker and recent events.

I feel continuously inadequate as a mother. Emmett spends most of his time alone, playing with his cars, with me on the computer or cleaning. And I see these other moms that are supermoms, their whole lives dedicated to their kids, and I want so much to be that way.

Over the last 2 months, I've totally stopped working, and I felt that that would surely increase the "quality" time I spend with Emmett. But it hasn't. The time I'd usually spend working is repalced with other mental activities and it hasn't increased my ability to focus on Emmett.

Recently, I came to a realization. I am not the mother I wish I could be. I'm not built that way. I need to work. And in this experiment, I realize that intellectual motivation is what enables me to be a fun mom. So when I don't have it from a job, I get it in other ways.

That's just the way it is. I wish it wasn't, but it is. Emmett seems ok with it. Everyday, we get about an hour of quality playtime, and the rest is half playtime, with me doing other things, but still interacting to some extent. I have to fully resolve this. I'm working on it.

In other news:

Emmett Loves Crashing:
He loves to talk about car crashes. He loves to crash his cars. He imagines Papou crashing. When we get into the car, he hopes we will crash. My response was initially to explain that it hurts when a person crashes. But I decided it's ok. So I let him do it. Mike told me little boys love crashing, so I show him bumper cars online.

Our Trip to Vermont:
The main highlight of this very difficult trip (meeting Mike's 10-years estranged sister and her daughter) was that Emmett had a blast with his cousing Isaac. (see above). They hid in the curtains. They ran around scraming. They laughed. They didn't want to sleep, they loved each other so much.

Emmett Talking:
He is really talking and repeating everything. The other day, he said "Fart" and then farted. I hate that word and need to find a substitute. "Toot" is too WHYY. I think I'm going to go with TRAFT which is what Audrey and I used growing up. Here's what he's saying right now:

"Ok. Hide that. Wash car."

We're listening to "No" by They Might Be Giants and he's running around with cars and trash. (He LOVES throwing trash in teh trashcan, playing in the sink, and bumping down the stairs. -- we pull him down each step on his butt).

Playdates: We have at least one a week, but it's usually Emmett sort of playing with the other kid, and me talking to the mom.

Emmett's favorite things:
• Playing with water
• Milk
• Seeing car crashes
• Getting new cars
• Throwing trash in the trash cans
• Anything sweet
• Pancakes
• Getting tickled