I feel scared.

For awhile now, I've noticed that Emmett is smaller than other babies. Not just a little bit...a lot. And I've chalked it up to the fact that he's breastfed and that other babies (a lot of them) are on formula.

In the past week, it's really hitting me that not only is he smaller than other babies...he's a lot smaller. And that he always seems hungry. That whenever I've finished nursing, he seems to cry for more. That he eats 3 jars of food per sitting. It seems like he's not really getting enough.

I think I realized it the other day when Mike said "Emmett, our little baby that never poops" (becuase he goes so rarely) and in an automatic reaction I said "Our baby that never grows"...and then it hit me. Emmett isn't really growing.

I called the doctor today and they had me come in. It turns out that Emmett is in the 2 percentile in terms of his size. 98 of 100 kids are bigger than him. He used to be in the 25 percentile and they get worried when kids go down like he has.

The doctor was nice. She told me that it could just be him, but that there was enough concern to do bloodwork and stool samples. I need to take Emmett to the lab and he'll be tested for everything from Anemia to blood cell health.

It took a lot, but I held in my emotion. ,And as I'm writing this blog, I just now starting to cry. I feel unbelievably scared. I am so worried that there's something wrong.

The other night I pumped after being at a wedding all day and not nursing and there were only 2 ounces of milk. I have started giving him formula after I've nursed him and he hungrily drinks 2 or 3 bottles full.

God please protect Emmett. Please Father take care of him and let there be nothing wrong. Amen.