I am in love

with my son. I cannot belive the difference this week has made for us. We are like two peas in a pod. He is showing me things, he's snuggling next to me, he's listening to me....He loves me and I love him. And in this week, the first week in forever that I haven't been working, I realize that Emmett has been mad at me and that he's not now. He thinks I'm funny. It's OK with him if I am doing something else for a little while.

Today we got up, had bread with butter and honey and talked, then I cleaned up the kitchen while he drank orange juice and we listened to his favorite CD -- Polyphonic Spree (and then a little Cigaros when I felt like a change). Then, we played in the living room, mostly blocks. I read like 5 books to him and then, with just 15 minutes until his nap, I let him turn on the TV and he snuggled right into me. We watched it until 11:30 and then I put him down (he very eagerly wanted to go to sleep).

While he was sleeping, I talked to Jessica and then my family called from Greece. I talked to my sister who was excited about the idea of my working again (becuase of Emmett), but I keep going back and forth about it. I love being with him so much. I don't want to give him up...even for one day.

My mother seemed slightly disaproving, like I should not take the work and what a beautiful testament it would be for my love of Emmett. I continue to feel confused by it all. I adore him, I want nothing more than to be with him 24/7...but today we looked at houses and we need for me to work.

How do I resolve this?
What do I do? I am ADORING my child. I don't want to work anymore. But I'm comfortable with the company and they are willing to come in on my terms.

I don't know what to do.

After he woke up, I gave him a bagel and 2 animal crackers (the frosted kind). I tried to clean up a little more, but then threw in the towel and took him to the post office and then for a walk. On the way there, I kept saying "Ok Emmett. Now which way". And he would point the direction he wanted to go in and that's how we would go. After the post office, we went to the playground. We went on the slide and the swing over and over, then we picked a bunch of wish dandilions and came home.

This was my favorite part of the day. We walked around the yard and he was commenting on everything, chattering away about this tree and that bush...singing, making "giglegiglegigle" sounds. I was just so happy being his mom. Then, we went into the barn and he played the drums. He is totally going to be a drummer. We got ready and drove downtown, and Emmett kept his hat on the whole time.

We looked at a bunch of houses, and he was an angle. I didn't want Mike to hold him. I just wanted to keep him on my hip the whole time.

I have never felt this in love with anything in my life. Just thinking about how beautiful this day was brings me near tears.

We think Emmett said "Pizza" tonight, but of course we're not sure. He makes "rrrRRRRRRRRhhhh" sounds when he sees a truck or a dog. And Jessica had these seriously HIDEOUS stuffed animals for a story she's writing on stuffed animals for adults, and Emmett loved them. The one looked like a mishapen white owl that had been shot a hundred times and was spluttering blood all over.

It was his favorite.