I have scoliosis.
If you look at me from the back, standing straight, you'll see that I'm literally lopsided. The right side of me is up higher than the left and I slope.
The chiropractor explained to me that the reason my back hurts (particularly in my shoulders) is that my left shoulder muscles are straining to keep up with my right shoulder muscles. That they're always trying to straighten my back and make it level, even if there's pain. The priority from my body's perspective, is to be balanced.
Before I was married, I had very frequent panic attacks. I was unsure of most of my movements. I was jittery, shaky, self-conscious and nervous most of the time. I would talk endlessly in an effort to avoid silence. I drove unsteady, quickly and aggressively, distracted easily by anything on the road. I was, before I was married, kind of annoying.
Choosing Mike as a husband was not an accidental or heat of the moment choice. I was striving to balance myself-- to alleviate the difficulty and strain in doing the things I'm not good at or that I struggle with. To add stability, logic and patience to my life in an effort to balance the wild, neurotic and emotionally chaotic person that I was. I have always been lopsided on the "left side", even when it comes to my brain. And before I was married, this was (at times quite literally) dehibilitating.
I don't want Mike to get a big ego, but I think marrying him changed my life in a way that it balanced my personality. Today is the first day I'm recognizing that the difference between me in 1995 to me in 2005 has (for sure) much to do with maturity, but even more to do with this balance...with the introduction and understanding of patience, slowness, logic and intentional movements.
Thinking about this, I can actually feel relief, and can only describe it as the absence of back pain associated with scoliosis.
posted by sabbeth @ 6:05 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
That's great. You do compliment each other so well. You are one of the couples in my life that seem like they've always been together. (Even though I've known Mike since 1992).
I think I've mentioned to you before, that I always think of you as super confident, together, hip, etc. etc. It's always surprising to hear the things that people deal with on the inside.
I had a friend who had scoliosis in jr. high. I remember bringing her a big bar of white chocolate when she was in the hospital for surgery.
Ooh, please don't turn to surgery for this. I've written a bunch on back stuff (and was even diagnosed with scoliosis myself in middle school) and I've learned that a lot can be done through chiropractic adjustments, physical therapy, and regular yoga classes to lengthen and stengthen the spine.
I'm so glad for you. You sound so happy.
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