Formula

Before I left the doctor yesterday, I confirmed with her that I should give Emmett anything he wants. Since that time, Emmett is nursing and then drinking between 6 and 8 ozs of Formula. My main priority right now is making sure Emmett is eating enough. I can't tell when I'm nursing him because I can't see how much he's getting.

I've struggled with the idea of formula. I feel it is very unatural and have never wanted to give Emmett an ounce of it. My feelings are changing. More than anything, I want Emmett to eat and be healthy.

Can you imagine how it feels to know there's a possibility that Emmett's lack of growth is becuase I'm not feeding him enough...becuase I'm not producing enough milk. Can you imagine how I feel right now?

Of course, this is what I want the problem to be. I don't want to find out there's something more serious. But I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel like I couldn't read my child. I feel like I'm not a nurturing person.

I have a solid rationale comforting me through this, but the bottom line is that I may not have been feeding Emmett enough and that's why he's leveled off. That may just be a fact. And I have to deal with it and learn from it.