Emmett's Whole Life Has Changed.

So last night, before I went to bed, I decided to read a little "What to Expect the First Year". I am not good at reading that book (in fact, I'm really not good at reading any book), but oddly, last night I was curious about it. I went to "Month 5" which describes what your baby will be doing at that age.

I was stunned.

At 5 months, Emmett will be starting foods (vegetables, fruits & cerael). He'll be learning to drink with a sippy cup. He'll be sitting up. His attention span is more developed. As I'm reading these things, I was realizing that we have been treating Emmett like he's 2 months old for 5 months! We have no real toys out for him (besides stuffed animal cars that beep) and it occurre dto me that he's bored.

Suddenly, I remembered this strange kind of intellectual toy that we have on display on his room. I've always assumed it was far too old for him. But I suddenly had this memory (that happened the day before). I was trying to rock a crying Emmett to sleep and his body was pulled away from me, his head turned and neck straining to look at that toy. He was STARING at it. For some reason, it never occurred to me that he would want to play with it.

I reported this information to Mike (who was also stunned), and today, Emmett's entire life changed. He got up and we played fly and the regular games, I took him over to my mom's for a visit with Diane, and THEN....he played kick and play with his new "in crib" kick piano..and then he was bouncing in his door bouncer...and then he was sitting (fascinated) in his stationary bouncer (which is really crazy with tons to do. Then, Mike played with all these adult toys. I played real games with him and gave him a massage. Finally, I took him to the gym.

He fell asleep the entire time.

On the way home, I bought him rice cerael and a sippy cup. This is going to be a big transition for our little family. I'm excited for Emmett to get into rice cerael. As it currently stands, he doesn't seem satisfied by my milk. I never feel like he's full and it never seems to be enough. There is always a fight, he's always moving his head to the side and making cry sounds.

I'm also a little concerned because Emmett was fussy again today and I don't know why. He was crying a lot when we got home from the gym. He also cried inconsolably this morning. I don't want to overreact, but this is not his personality — unless its changing. We tried to take his temperature, but we couldn't get it.

I may call the doctor tomorrow...I'm not sure.

Overall, I felt like a good mom today. The only incident that happned that made me feel awful, was this morning at7 AM (2 hours after his last feeding) Emmett started crying for food. And I said (very irritated "Aw Emmett!" and he started really crying, as if he understood that I was bothered to feed him. It broke my heart and I apologized sincerely to him.

But I was good in every other way. I took him out, I played with him, I read up about his age group, I kissed him...I even canceled Ana's band practice becasue I knew he needed to sleep and didn't want to have him out that late. I am a good mom, I'm realizing. It just took writing it all down to see it.

Posted by: Elisabeth / 12:22 AM

He Rolled Over

He rolled over.
It was all that it was cracked up to be. Emmett rolled over today! We captured it on video and I am so excited. I helped him a little bit. I kinda "pushed" him over to show him how it worked. And he is such a little genius that he picked it right up right away.

He was so cute all day! Mike and I have this new idea. I watch Emmett one day...Mike watches him the next. That way, the other person is able to work and one of us is devoted to taking care of Emmett. So anyway, Emmett rolled over in my care...but I called Mike just before it happened and he came running in with the video camera.

After that, I was getting ready for the gym and I used my boppy (which he is getting to be too big for) and I sat him up in it. I made up an on the spot chant/song called "He's sittin' up" and the words were something like "There's no question, he's sittin' up". He was so cute and adorable.

Then , I took him to the gym. The lady there was like "Emmett! Where have you been!" (it's been several days since I've been to the gym). She kept asking so finally I was like "My mommy has been keeping me away". I never know how to react to those sorts of things. Like, she kept asking him over and over again. At first I was silent, but then I'm thinking — is she really talking to me and just using him to ask? Generally, I tackle it in two ways. I either make a little kid's voice and "give" the answer for Emmett or I do the whole "He's saying that blah blah" (in which case I don't make my voice like a little kid's).

I had a good work out at the gym, and usually when I come to pick him up, everything is fine and they are kind of sad to see him go (he's the prince of Kid's Corner, as I call him). But today, he was fussy when I came to pick him up and as soon as I held him he started crying. I calmed him down and he fell asleep in the car. But later, he got really fussy again. I tried my best to help him, but he was inconsolable for about an hour. Finally, after taking off all his clothes, walking him around and massaging him, he got into a good mood. I rubbed lotion on him and tickled his skin. He was laughing a little. Then I put him in his swing and he fell asleep.

He woke up about an hour later and was not happy. He was cranky again, fussing and crying. I put pj's on him and brought him to my parents. My dad stood in fron of the window with him and they watched the trucks. I couldn't believe it. My dad said "All boys love trucks" and I watched as my sons eyes got really big as the trucks went by and he followed them until they were out of view.

I brought him home and nursed him and he let me put him down. I had him say goodnight to daddy before I put him in his crib and I felt like such a good mom and like we were such a good family.

I should make a note that last night, Emmett woke up in a pool of sweat — literally. The sheets were DRENCHED nad so was his back. We changed him and we were really worried. It may possibly be the result of the shots he ahd 2 days ago, but the sheets were still wet this AM and that was scary. We thought maybe allergies, but the shirt he was wearing was 100% cotton.

I am going to wait another day to see what the deal is. If he is as cranky tomorrow, I'm going to make an appointment.

Today I felt like a good mom. I was attentitive to him for most of the day and I managed to calm him down and get him to sleep.

Today he ate from a spoon

I took him downtown today to visit Chris (Mike was helping Colin with his room). Emmett was so good as usual, even though I wasn't paying as much attention to him as if we were alone. We took him over to Starbucks and he was adorable. I felt so proud to have such a cute baby. I feel like he makes me look good. A lot of the time, I try to look good for Emmett so that he has a cute mom.

Anyway, usually, when I go down there, I get Greek food from South Street Slouvaki. I got my favorite, Ogolemonal soup (sp) and brought it back to Chris' house. I gave Emmett a taste. He broke in to a huge smile after about 20 seconds of confusion and strange facial expressions. Then he demanded more. Eventually, I was filling up tiny spoonfuls.

It was so unbelievabley cute. He LOVED it. Last Sunday, I gave him a few little tastes of pizza sauce (which he also loved). At our appointment last week, the doctor said that we should begin mixing his milk with cerael and then move on to vegetables. In LA, they encouraged moms to nurse for a year. Here their attitude is to stop after 6 months. I'm confused. But after today, I'm beginning to think that it is becoming natural for Emmett to want something other than milk. He is always watching us eat.

He also loves having his legs bare. He is always wanting us to take off his pans and onsie and he wants to be either naked or just with a diaper on. He loves to kick his legs and I play with him. I felt like a good mom today because even at Chris' house I was giving him attention. I adore him. Its hard for me to imagine that everyone doesn't love him as much as I do. But I know its impossible. I know it from other parents. I don't enjoy other people's kids at all. I don't usually think they're that cute — particularly not cute enought to change and deal with their germy, dirty smells etc. I always think that Emmett is so different from other kids. But I know it can't po9ssibly be true.

I'm amazed at how no one really asks me much about him — not even patronizingly. I remember before I had him promising myself I would not talk about him all the time. And I don't. In fact, I rarely talk about him with friends. I never want my son to be a boring topic for anyone. I love him far too much to have any kind of bordem associated with him. But it's almost like people forget that I even have a kid. Its bizzare.

So this blog is working out so well for me. I can write down all my thoughts. I don't have to hang out with overly mommed moms, and I can get it out of my system. I had started a written book, but in the end, I can add these pages to that one and I'll have something to give to Emmett for when he is an adult.

I am afraid to have another child. I feel that Emmett will always be my favorite. I don't think I could ever love anyone more than I love him. I'm going to peek in on him now. As I write that, I feel like a 7 year old that sees the banana split she ordered, on its way to her booth.
Posted by:

Angela had her baby yesterday and I talked to her for a few hours today. I'm so excited for Emmett to have a cousin his age. Issac was born on 3/26/04. Emmett 11/10/03. They are only 4 months apart in age. That is so awesome. I am so excited for Emmett to have all these cousins:

Issac Campbell (born 3/04) -- 4 months younger than Emmett
Jimmy Kotakis (born 10/01 -- 1 month older than Emmett)
?? Jekogian (due any day -- 4 months younger than Emmett)
?? Jekogian (due in June -- 6 months younger than Emmett)
?? Ballas (due in June -- 6 months younger than Emmett)
Cooper Fink (Born in 2001 -- 2 years older than Emmett)

He is going to have 5 counsins really close in age to him. I feel so excited. (And so far, all boys). I felt like a good mom. I held Emmett until he fell asleep. He woke up and he fell asleep on my belly. Mike was flying him around the house and everytime he would see me he smiled. Did Imention that he says "MA" on a regular basis?

Emmet got his 4 months shots

Today I felt like I was a good mom. I was up with Emmett at 3:30AM for about an hour. Usually he sleeps through the night, but last night he didn't. Mike and I both stayed up with him until he got tired. I gave him a tummy, leg and arm massage. Mike was trying to help. Eventually, we put him in his swing and he fell asleep. This morning, Mike got up with him and made me coffee. When I woke up, I said "Good morning little boy" He pulled his hands together into a fist and made a little yelp (almost like a clap). I nursed him and he was happy. He was happy all the way to the doctors — even in the doctor's office. He is such a morning person.

Then, they gave him his shots. He did cry, but I told him it was ok. So he'd cry really loud and then all of the sudden stop and look at me, tears spilling over his eye rims, with his lower lip quivering. But I knew, that even though it hurt, because I was there he knew everything was ok.

Incidents like this make me feel like I am the most important person in the world. All of the sudden, I don't care about being "cool and hip" and such a "real person that's just a mom". All of the sudden, I want to just be Emmett's mom — nothing more.

I wish I wasn't so selfish.

I feel selfish.
So selfish, I wonder if I have ADD sometimes.
My days are spent giving Emmett moments of EXTREME fun and then trying to check e-mail and freelance work, while holding him, his face over my shoulder, and talking to him thinking he doesn't know that I'm on the computer. He knows and starts to cry.

I'm in an identity crisis. Every fiber in my being wants to provide, make money, excel, achieve and give my son the best. But all he wants is for me to hold him. Not even play with him. Just hold him.

I feel like a terrible mom sometimes. I look at other moms that are "baby mom's" reading books, with schedules and philosphies and mom groups and all that and I realize that I am not doing any of that. I usually do preformances for Emmett and read to him. I feel like he deserves more.

But then, there's this thing where I get restless and bored. And I feel this pathetic need to prove to all my single friends that I'm still so "cool". That I'm not really like a mom. That I'm different. I'm still young. I play cool music for Emmett. I get him baby rock band t-shirts.

I try to prove that I'm still so "down to earth". The truth is, a lot of the time I feel embarassed about being married and embarassed about being a mom. I'm NEVER embarassed of Emmett. I adore him, although by this first post you'd never know it. I just wish I could grow up. I wish I didn't have these dumb feelings of wanting to still fit in. I'm 31 and I still care about listening to underground bands.

I feel, generally, that I am a selfish person. My husband is not. He is extremely giving to me and Emmett almost all the time. He is so gentle and loving. Right now he's cleaning up the dishes from the dinner he made (Salmon & potatos), as I sit here eating a sticky bun and writing.

I love my husband. I adore my son. I just wish I was better for them.